Why sobriety is difficult...
...I didn't give up alcohol because I saw a different life for myself. I gave up because I knew I would die if I didn't.
I was drowning my heartache away. I didn't want to be sober. I wanted him to love me. And he didn't. I didn't even care if he treated me well. I still cringe to think about it.
And when I drank, I had no control over my behaviour. I'd keep going back.
Not only was my life out of control, I was now getting blackouts.
My therapist told me part of why I was feeling low was because of the impact alcohol had on my brain. It was most definitely the lowest point in my life.
I didn't stand a chance so long as I continued. What I didn't bargain for was how hard it would be afterwards.
How long the road would feel. Being sober felt like I was the walking dead. I was scared I would feel that way forever.
I also felt alone. When you're trapped in damaging cycles of behaviour it's hard to talk about it. I felt a lot of shame.
This period of life damaged the little confidence I had in myself. I share in this video some of why sobriety can be so hard. If this is you, I want you to know it wasn't forever.
I'm not in pain anymore and I love my life even though I still face emotional challenges. It takes enormous determination and patience. Know you are not alone.
I spoke about the link between addiction and relationships in part 1 of this series on sobriety. Because relationships are our biggest triggers.