What I learned dating unavailable men! For most of my life, I was attracted to and drew towards me men who were emotionally unavailable. Be it they were married, drug addicts, not that into me, or emotionally distant. I thought, like many women do, that men are just jackasses...
…Blaming them was a distraction. It didn’t empower me. It wasn’t healing me. It definitely wasn’t shifting my pattern.
I came to acknowledge the pattern of unavailable partners was MY pattern. It was not about the men I was with. The common factor in every relationship was - ME! I was the one who wanted this kind of man. YIKES!!!
I wanted to understand why I chose the same thing over and over?
I came to see it was not that I was ATTRACTING UNAVAILABLE people. Rather if there were ten men in the room, I would notice the UNAVAILABLE one.
I went from partner to partner only to experience the same thing. If I met someone who really wanted to be with me, I'd lose interest.
First, I shifted the kind of man I was attracted to. When I met my husband, who was nothing like any of the men I’d dated before, I soon began to experience the SAME THING.
I had to heal the trauma of abandonment or I was going to sabotage the relationship. I took a stand and intended a different reality for myself in relationships. I consciously and radically broke away from this pattern. I discovered the love of my life is immensely committed to being present. By shifting me on the inside, I changed my world.
When I first shared some of my experiences, my inbox was flooded from readers with stories like this:
"Morning Jo. I've realised I have never had a proper relationship. The same person, just in a different body. The longest relationship I've had was a guy who was all about the sex and we have a child together now. Then I met a guy. I asked what he wants from me. He said he just wants to go with the flow. Nothing serious. That's when I realised there must be something wrong with me to keep attracting men like this? "- Anon
I was not alone. There were many women who resonated with my experiences.This is how I began my online relationship advice journey.
If you’re married to someone who is unavailable it’s not too late. If s/he is a good person, YOU can shift this dynamic.
Want to know how to stop attracting unavailable partners? Read the rest of this post