What I learned dating unavailable men! For most of my life, I was attracted to and drew towards me people who were emotionally unavailable. Be it they were married, drug addicts, not that into me, or emotionally distant. I thought, like many women do, that men are just jackasses...
…Blaming them was a distraction. It didn’t empower me. It wasn’t healing me. It definitely wasn’t shifting my pattern.
I came to acknowledge the pattern of unavailable partners was MY pattern. It was not about the people I was with. The common factor in every relationship was - ME! I was the one who wanted this kind of person. YIKES!!!
I wanted to understand why I chose the same thing over and over?
I came to see it was not that I was ATTRACTING UNAVAILABLE men. Rather if there were ten men in the room, I would notice the UNAVAILABLE one.
I went from partner to partner only to experience the same thing. If I met someone who really wanted to be with me, I'd lose interest.
First, I shifted the kind of man I was attracted to. When I met my husband, who was nothing like any of the men I’d dated before, I soon began to experience the SAME THING.
I had to heal the trauma of abandonment or I was going to sabotage the relationship. I took a stand and intended a different reality for myself in relationships. I consciously and radically broke away from this pattern. I discovered the love of my life is immensely committed to being present. By shifting me on the inside, I changed my world.
When I first shared some of my experiences, my inbox was flooded from readers with stories like this:
"Morning Jo. I've realised I have never had a proper relationship. The same person, just in a different body. The longest relationship I've had was a guy who was all about the sex and we have a child together now. Then I met a guy. I asked what he wants from me. He said he just wants to go with the flow. Nothing serious. That's when I realised there must be something wrong with me to keep attracting men like this? "- Anon
I was not alone. There were many women who resonated with my experiences.This is how I began my online relationship advice journey.
If you’re married to someone who is unavailable it’s not too late. If they are good person, YOU can shift this dynamic.
Want to know how to stop attracting unavailable partners? Read the rest of this post